I thought happiness was elusive. It turns out its elusiveness is a joke compared to that of love.
It kind of reminds me of the black rhino. You’re sure to find it at every zoo but you go and find the “rare” white ones instead. Love’s elusiveness is the worst type. You’re sure it’s everywhere till you try to grasp it then you realize it isn’t. You’re sure you have had it until someone comes along and shows you what it really is. Everyone is in love till they explain to you the sacrifices they make daily to keep that perfect image. At the end of the day you find out, what most do is endure and call it love. Life has too many things we’ve been taught to endure. Love shouldn’t be one of those things. It should be simple and easy.
Lao Tzu’s classification of different types of love stands out to me. One major reason is because 95% of us are caught up in what seems to be love. Possessive Love: Partner is viewed as an object or a trophy that should be acquired and kept for the sole purpose of owning. Half the time it’s just to boost the ego, nothing more.
Codependent Love: This is solely based on control, comes with possessiveness too and has insecurity written all over it. Both partners are always on to each other, most times it’s the male actively expressing this negative emotions and the female passively playing along because she thinks that’s what love is. Half the time she tries to stroke his ego and reassure him but it still doesn’t make much of a difference.
Romantic Love: In one word- Hollywood. Unrealistic demands and ideas that someone else completes you. It’s usually people that don’t and won’t ever love themselves enough that get caught up in this. Over fantasising and picking up people’s words where they left it. Always searching for clues, comparing reality to films. They have this idea that one person can show up and fix all their childhood traumas and personal issues. Forgetting that it takes two people with self love and knowledge to make things work.
Subjective Love: A healthy type, where you just love the person regardless of who they are. You actively give love not to necessarily seek or try and measure who loves who more when dispensing affections. You understand that they are their own person, their world does not revolve around you and that’s okay. By not trying to force reciprocation, the love is effortlessly given back to you. This type of love is easily extended to everyone and everything around you. Unfortunately, a lot of people will never experience this type of love because they are comfortable with toxic love.
The last one is Become Love:
Breathe love, speak love, exude love by embodying it. Make it your mantra, your religion. Be kind to yourself, your superiors, and the people you think you are better than. It’s almost impossible to achieve this in a classist and elitist society we live in.
I won’t pretend that this conversation isn’t draining and tiring because we all get it wrong, I could be wrong right now. One thing I know for a fact is it isn’t what is portrayed in films.
We spend so much time arguing what is or what isn’t love that we forget to show it to the people closest to us. It’s the perfect time to tell your friend, sibling, mother, father, in-law or neighbour how much you love them.