I met a girl. She’s nothing like other girls I’ve experienced. She took me on a trip. A trip of self awareness, I took a peek into my subconscious mind. During this trip I came across my insecurities and realised they could be my superpower. I came face to face with my ego, I tried to run from it but she made me face it. I did but the ego proved hostile which led me to protect myself from it. I took a big swing at the ego leaving it unconscious. I was unsure if the ego was dead or just knocked out. Either way it felt good and I felt free.
She made me realise we could have so much fun without technology. We were outdoors enjoying every bit of nature, the simple things seemed so beautiful. I felt like I had been missing out my whole life. I could feel the earth and hear the plants. I had a handful of sand and every grain felt like it appreciated my touch, gratefully giving me sensations I couldn’t explain in return.
She told me I was more than I thought I was. I came to this realisation after saying something prophetic and it came to pass. She told me never to doubt myself again. She explained to me that some people can’t stand her. But with me it was destined to be. She liked me from the onset. She said there’s a lot to explore but we have to take things slow. One trip at a time.
I had experienced all her good traits now it was time for the roller coaster of emotions. First my heart skipped a beat, then my toes and fingers felt like liquid. She told me to breathe and go on a walk with her. I held her with my left hand and felt someone holding the right one. I looked and saw my younger self. Looking at me with a blank face. I couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or content with how far I’ve come in life. I looked deeper into his eyes to search for the exact emotion. It still seemed blank, then he smiled and said to me “keep going, you’re closer to self realisation than you think, don’t worry, you’re on a right path Alibobo”. Alibobo my childhood nickname. I hadn’t heard it in years and hearing it brought some relief. This is who I was, it is who I still am. I was terrified and excited at the same time.
My younger self reminded me of the things I loved to do. How my love for physical touch goes way back. I saw the vivid memory of my mum calling me a cat because I would always jump on my dad’s belly or hold her hands at every given chance. My love for touching the ones close to my heart made her compare me with a cat. I didn’t mind. Neither did my dad, he always blew raspberries on my belly and would let me do the same to him. One of my childhood dreams was to get my belly to be as big as his. I can tell him I’m edging closer to that today, not proudly.
How did I just encounter my 7 year old self and not freak out. Instead I was looking to have a conversation. He went away with the wind and I kept walking with her. We were on a boulevard now, the one I had walked alone on my lonely days. I enjoyed walking alone when I needed to clear my head. Something interesting started happening to my sight at this point. I began to see colours even though I was colour blind. They were beaming lights in recurring shapes and patterns. The lights bursting with purple, yellow and red colours. Things got hazy as we walked further down, it seemed as if I had been taken to another dimension. It was hard to recall things in this other place. My brain only chose the nostalgic memories, leaving out other parts of this trip deliberately.
I felt less nausea than I did at the beginning of the trip. It turned out she was slowly leaving me. I could only hear her from a distance, fading out like a song coming to an end. It was clear it wouldn’t be long until she was totally gone. I enjoyed the last bit of the moment, happy to have had such an experience with her. When she left I held on to the things I could remember and waved her goodbye, and hoped to cross paths with her again.