I’ve felt so much pain that the tears are now familiar with my face. I felt so much pain in that period that my tears didn’t get the chance to fade. Just when I think my tears are drying up, the pain prompts more to roll down my cheeks. I am consistently stuck with wet cheeks and bulgy red eyes. The free flow at some point made me think the pain was natural. One time I managed to convince myself it was the pseudobulbar affect, but deep down I know it’s deeper than that. 

It got to the point I accepted it and became surprised whenever the tears from my eyes dried up and left a pattern. I was convinced it was the wind consoling me. It was as if it was sending a message too.  I looked in the mirror this pattern seemed like one. A path out of this maze of pain. I thought my prayers had been answered. For years I had prayed for my cerebellum to stop the impulses from getting to my pons. At least I wouldn’t feel anything, I would rather be numb than go through this. All the painkillers I popped weren’t effective. It makes sense since this wasn’t physical but deeply mental. How come I feel it in my chest? My heart is heavy for no real reason. I’m beginning to think this is my fate, maybe I shouldn’t fight it, I should embrace it and see where it takes me.  The destination from here could only be one place. I can’t even say it because I’m still in denial. One day I’ll be bold enough to go there but until then…SOMEBODY HELP!!!!

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3 Responses

  1. Wow, my chest was tight from the first sentence. Extreme emotional depth, I felt every word! I love how captivating your writing is! Keep going you’re doing great❤️

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